walk on
by Roni-chan
Summary: as long as he's there, there will always be a next step, too. kidou & haruna sibling fic. birthday gift for iris.


**walk on.**

-o-

_I can't really say_  
_Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else_  
_But in the end, the only steps that matter_  
_Are the ones you take all by yourself_

-o-

The maple leaf was bigger than her palm. She twirled it in between her thumb and her pointer finger, watching as the brown and green of it melted together into a mud-like colour. Another shiver ran down her spine, and the already prominent goosebumps on her arms stood out even more, making her feel a little like some sort of human hedgehog. She should have gotten on a sweater, she knew, but she hadn't thought of it. She hadn't thought of anything other than the sheer need to get out, get some fresh air. She'd felt suffocated in that tent, wrapped up in a sleeping bag, yet unable to sleep. This night wasn't any different from all the others, and yet... something still _was_.

Perhaps it was because all the boys had been so busy lately. They were fighting _aliens_, after all, weren't they? Haruna had always done her best - even despite the fact that originally she had had nothing to do with soccer, being a member of the journalism club - to cheer the team on and help them out, together with Aki and Natsumi, and it had all worked out quite nicely when it was just about the Football Frontier, but now... this was something altogether different, and even though none of it showed on her face by daylight, alone like this, her face overshadowed by the maple tree, dim moonlight filtering through the branches to fall on her face, it was apparent; she was **scared**.

How could Endou-kun just stand up again and again and again? How could he make everyone follow him with nothing but a smile and a thumbs up? How was it that everyone was so brave to fight what could just as well be a losing battle? Haruna knew she wasn't a bad person, but... she also knew she definitely wasn't _that _brave. Even if she would have never admitted it to anyone else out loud, sometimes she wished they could just run away.

Then again, of course, running away wasn't an option. Especially now, that she'd finally found her brother again, there was no way she would leave his side, and he was one of Endou-kun's main supporters, the brain of the team, the genius tactician... Even with all the underlying fear, Haruna had to smile a little bit when she thought of that. She was proud of her brother. Even back when she had thought he'd betrayed her... that she was nothing but a burden on him... even back then, she admired him from afar, wishing he would look at her, notice her, give her any sort of sign that he hadn't forgotten about her...

... And, in the end, _he hadn't_.

Haruna sighed, and leaned against the tree to look up at the stars. Most of it was obscured by the maple leaves, but she could still count about five or six of them, squinting at her through the gaps. Somehow, she felt a little more at ease out here. She was glad to be alone, for now - not that it was much different from the inside of the tent, since all the other girls were sleeping already, but still, to be all by herself, to breathe in the world, to digest the things that were happening on her own. Though, she had to admit there was _one _person whose company she wouldn't have minded... but, then again, feeling like that was selfish. He had better things to do than entertain her silly fears. After all, they were going to have another match the next day, weren't they? Her brother needed to rest, just like the rest of the team, and-...

All right, well, perhaps that wasn't all there was to it. Haruna had always been pretty awful at lying, how could she possibly lie to _herself_? The truth was, even if she could act like everything was all right around him, somewhere deep down, she was still afraid, intimidated. Yuuto's usual demeanor was, albeit friendly, cool and distant, very unlike how he'd used to be, even if the vital things hadn't changed about him. Somehow he felt unapproachable, and even if he'd given her some words of reassuring, there was still a deep-rooted fear in her that someday she might cease to be important.

* * *

The fabric falling around her shoulders all of a sudden startled her; she gave a surprised little gasp, but a moment later, as the cloth entered her field of vision, she relaxed instantly. This was something she knew more than well, although this was the first time _she _wore it.

"You're just asking for getting a bad cold that way," was Kidou's commentary as he crouched down in front of his sister, drawing the cape closer around her slightly shivering form. Haruna's eyes widened slightly, but no words left her lips. "What are you doing out here at a time like this?" He was wearing a pair of comfortable jumpers and a jacket over it, but his hair was still tied up, and the goggles shielded his eyes, just like throughout the day. Haruna idly wondered if he slept like that, but it only took a moment for her to chase that thought far, far away - because it was instantly followed by a memory of how they'd slept together as little children, shortly after their parents had died. It had been so long ago... so terrifyingly, painstakingly _far away_.

"I just... couldn't sleep," she finally replied softly. She expected the other to leave any moment, or just plain order her back into her sleeping bag, but no response came. "Why are _you _up, onii-chan?"

For a moment or two, he kept silent still, then, as Haruna finally looked up, she noticed with surprise that he'd settled down on the ground next to her, his lip twisted into a strange, mildly frustrated line (with those glasses on, it was hard to properly determine his actual expression). "I don't know, I just had a feeling," he finally responded, and even though the words were vague, there was no hesitation in his voice. Haruna felt her cheeks flush a little. A feeling? About what? Finding her out here, in need of some _spare warmth_?

... As a matter of fact, she had to admit it to herself that that was exactly what she was in need of - except not necessarily physically.

For a while, they just sat in silence. Haruna hid the lower half of her face in Yuuto's cape, relishing in the warmth of it, and the smell of _home_. Still, she kept her eyes on her brother until he began fidgeting a little, and then finally asked, "What is it?"

"Do you ever take those off?" Maybe it was the cape. The thought almost made Haruna giggle out loud. Onii-chan's magical cape. He never took it off, not even for matches. She could hardly believe it never got in the way, but somehow, that was the case, and it was just yet another thing to admire him for. Having it around herself now, somewhere at the back of her mind, she couldn't help thinking that maybe it was this magic cape that gave her enough courage to be this blunt. After all, it could just as well be that the cape gave him courage on the field, too, right? "Those silly goggles," she went on. "Do you sleep in them, too? Have you ever gotten sunburnt while wearing them?" The more she talked, the more confused his expression became - but nothing could top the one that crossed his features when she actually reached out, and tugged the accessory off of his head, and dropped it into her own lap. "There, much better."

"Haruna-..."

"I haven't seen your eyes in _years_, onii-chan." Well, that shut him up all right. With a soft sigh, Kidou reached back, and with an expression of _'might as well now'_, he untied his hair too, the dreadlocks falling around his face. Haruna smiled, the warmth spreading in her chest like wildfire. It felt as if the entire atmosphere changed only by him doing that. As if all those years they'd spent apart had never happened. She could look into his eyes once more, and _read them _like she used to - she really was sitting next to her **brother**.

* * *

"I know you better than you'd think."

Haruna thought she must have dozed off for a little bit, because her brother's voice somehow startled her - although it might have been just his words; where was that coming from all of a sudden? She glanced up at him; he was, for once, looking back at her, a mysterious kind of smile playing on his lips, and yet, strangely, she had the feeling that he was sad.

"W-What do you mean, onii-chan?"

"We don't talk a whole lot... even now that we're travelling together..." Kidou said softly, a strange undertone to his voice.

"Well, you're busy with training and-..." Haruna tried to defend him, but Kidou shook his head.

"No, that's not it. I'm... just..." It was strange to see him like this; the genius who was always the quickest to come up with an idea when it was about soccer tactics, struggling for words with his own little sister. "It's been so long... we've spent so much time apart, Haruna. I'm not really sure... how to approach you, the _present _you. So I decided to just... observe you from afar, to see how much you've changed, what kind of a person you are now..."

"Onii-chan!" Haruna's face this time wasn't heated because of embarrassment. Her fingers curled into fists, and her eyebrows furrowed together in frustration. "Are you _analyzing _me? That's not nice!"

Kidou seemed even more puzzled for a moment, but in the end, he shook his head, finally averting his eyes. "I don't know what I was thinking, honestly," he admitted in a low voice, and that simple statement was enough to completely take the wind out of the girl's sails, now staring up at her brother with her mouth agape. "But I noticed things," he continued, looking back at her, and all of a sudden, Haruna felt as if some loose strands that had been hanging somewhere in the middle of her heart were now being tied securely together. Heat rushed up to her face again; it was an odd feeling, to have no idea what he was about to say, and yet feeling as if she already _knew_.

"I know you've been lonely... and I'm sorry."

Her breath was completely taken away - if that weren't the case, she would have surely complained again, that it wasn't his fault, that he had so many responsibilities on his shoulders, that she'd long since accepted the truth, that he just had to do what he had to do, and it didn't change his feelings for her... that was enough. It should have been enough. Right?

"I couldn't help it back then, but when we met again..." Was he reading her mind somehow? "Afterwards, I could have done something, and yet..."

"I'm _fine!_" Haruna burst out. Yes, she was lying, for once, but God, she couldn't take it, the way he was berating himself. He didn't have any duty towards her, did he? They both had families now, good families that took care of them well, she loved the Otonashi family as if they were related by blood, and-...

"I'm still your brother."

Haruna knew it for sure the moment Kidou's arm wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her close, that she wouldn't be able to last more than a couple of seconds, even if she steeled herself as much as she was capable of. So she simply decided not to fight it at all; she just allowed the tears to come, streaming silently down her cheeks, and although her brother made no attempt to wipe them away, she still knew he was aware of them; knew from the way his thumb moved up and down on the side of her shoulder, up and down, in the gentlest possible comforting caress she'd ever received from him.

As long as he held her like that, there was no longer a need for any words, because she knew anyways, what it was that he kept saying, over and over, with that tiny motion,

_You're not alone._


End file.
